The Autism Spectrum and Depression by Dr Anthony Attwood

Author:Dr Anthony Attwood [Nick Dubin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857002426
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2014-03-04T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 4

The Dark Night of the Soul

I want to introduce a concept that has some spiritual overtones. I hope no one is offended by the word “spiritual.” I respect everyone’s belief system including those who don’t believe in a higher power and have no personal investment in anyone’s belief about the nature of the universe.

Have you ever wondered why some prisoners have conversion experiences while serving their terms of incarceration and suddenly become religious? Prison would seem the least likely environment for such an event to occur. Or have you ever speculated on why some people who aren’t religious throughout their lives have intense spiritual experiences when they are going through the process of dying? And have you thought about why alcoholics often have to hit rock bottom before they are open to an intervention? Why do these people all need to be at their breaking points or even close to death before they can finally attempt to undergo a major change?

To help answer those questions, I want to share one of my own dark nights of the soul that I experienced in 2003. I was on the verge of completing a master’s degree in special education. Having been an average student in high school, I never thought I could have accomplished such a goal. My future was looking bright, and I was about to graduate with a magna cum laude distinction on my graduate transcript. At the time, it seemed like nothing could prevent me from fulfilling my career objective of becoming a special education teacher. I was looking forward to this new path and also righting the wrongs of some of the teachers I had in elementary school. I was at the peak of having attained academic success.

The only obstacle before me was passing the student teaching requirement since all of my class work had been successfully completed. I distinctly remember my first day of student teaching. I pulled into the parking lot of the school and suddenly felt incredibly nauseous. It was almost as if I knew at a deep level that something didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Maybe I was just having cold feet. All I knew was that whatever I had signed up for, I now wanted out! Considering I had come this far, I figured I had no choice but to complete the last leg of the journey or I would risk negating everything I had achieved in the last three years.

As I walked into the school I began to sweat profusely. In retrospect I believe I was having a mini panic attack. I was actually starting to hyperventilate when I saw hundreds of children running down the halls and making a lot of commotion. I saw a group of teachers schmoozing while sitting around the teacher’s lounge. Everything about this setting appeared so foreign to me. What was I doing here? I kept thinking this is not where I could see myself spending the next 30 years of my life.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.